You totally can, but the decision is yours to make. I can pray for you until I am blue in the face but it won’t make any difference at all unless you make the choice to follow Jesus Christ. You are being convicted right now by the Holy spirit and that is a good sign.
Right now if people were to look at you would they see a Christian? Or would they see someone who is no different from them. You cannot walk in the world and be a Christian at the same time. It just doesn’t work. We are not of this world.I can guess by what you are telling me that though you were raised in the church you spend little or no time in His Word or in prayer getting to know Him. That is why you keep falling away. You are literally starving your spirit to death!
You can do it but it isn’t easy. You need to make the choice to ask Jesus to come into your heart as your Lord and Savior. If you want a new life in Christ Jesus, ask Him into your heart today. Simply pray this: Lord Jesus Christ, I believe that you took the pain of the cross to give me new life. I ask you to come into my heart and to give me your peace and joy. I confess that I am a sinner that I have gone my own way and have done wrong. Please forgive me for my sins. I receive you now as my Lord and Savior. Please fill me with your Holy Spirit. Help me to follow you and to serve you all my life. Thank you, in Jesus name I pray, Amen.
The best way that you can get a strong bond with the Lord is to read the Bible. Jesus is the Word made flesh, so it makes sense that if you want to get to know Him and have a closer walk with Him you need to get into the Bible. Read it daily I have it e-mailed to me daily so that I can get into the habit of reading the Bible every day. Go to: http://bible.cbn.com/#!/nlt/John/1, They will e-mail you two scriptures one from the Old Testament and one from the New Testament. Once you get in the habit of reading the Bible every single day, you will want to read more and more. I also downloaded the app to my cell from Bible.is, I love listening to the Word when I am out and about or walking. It is such a blessing. When you are truly into the Word you will notice a huge difference in your walk with the Lord. You will become stronger as a Christian and you will want less and less of the “world” in your life.
I believe that as Christians we have the Holy Spirit living within us from the day we accepted Jesus into our heart. We should be talking to and listening to Him. He is our Helper, comforter and lover of our soul. We are not filled with the Spirit because we feel we are, but because this is the privilege and possession of the Christian. Being filled or controlled by the Spirit is the result of walking in obedience to the Lord. This is a gift of grace and not an emotional feeling. Emotions can and will deceive us, and we can work ourselves up into an emotional frenzy that is purely from the flesh and not of the Holy Spirit. “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature … Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:16, 25). If you need help finding a really good Bible based church let me know and I will help you to find one. God bless you!!! :):)